23 April 2012

How to Barter for Cab Fare in Paraguay (translated & paraphrased)


As demonstrated by an actual Paraguayan!

Setting: 6:00 pm on an ordinary, early autumn Thursday

[Slowly but purposefully approach the driver of the only cab in town.  Politely accept a sip of his terere and casually exchange pleasantries in Guarani.  Discuss the weather for a minute or two.  It’s unseasonably cold today, no?]

Cabbie – So, where are you headed?

You – Santa Elena. (i.e.; village 10+ km away inaccessible at this hour by any other means save for walking)

Cabbie – 60.000 Gs.

You – 60?? (For extra effect, add lengthy, high-pitched whistle implying how unreasonably pricey that seems)

Cabbie – Yes, 60.

You –
[A good half-minute of uncomfortable silence in which the cabbie stares at you intently while you pretend to think of other transportation options - of which absolutely none exist)

Cabbie – Santa Elena, you said?

You – Yes.

Cabbie – 50 then.

You –
[More prolonged silence during which you shamelessly search your surroundings to ensure that there are, in fact, no other taxis in town right now.  Of course this is the case and you’re both well aware of it.]
[Strain your face to show optimal distress and helplessness.  Be sure not to say anything.  It seems at this point that awkward silence is your strongest – and evidently only – bartering tool.]

Cabbie – How about 40?

You – [casually wait a few beats to conceal just how unbelievably successful that entire exchange was] Yeah, 40 works.

And there you have it, folks.  With just two words, one whistle and a couple minutes of uncomfortable silence, you can reduce your cab fare by up to 33% despite having absolutely no leverage whatsoever.  Tell your friends!  Guaranteed to work in any socially passive and indirect culture!

28 March 2012

Bright-eyed yes, but bushy-tailed? Afraid not.

The absence of squirrels here is disconcerting.  I know they’re here somewhere - secretly amassing just out of sight, strategically lurking in congregation and preparing to pounce from the deepest corners of Paraguay when the most opportune moment presents itself.  Seriously, no squirrels?  What other possible explanation can there be?

I’ve definitely witnessed some cool animals and foreign flora since I’ve been here.  The nighttime silhouettes of tall coconut trees towering over the landscape are amazing.  Bright green birds are ubiquitous, Narnia-sized toads are commonplace, and unidentifiable lizards scurry across your path without first looking both ways.  A rogue cow joins a soccer game and nobody misses a beat.  I’ve already shared a bedroom with some creepier-end-of-the-spectrum spiders and at least two scorpions. 

And still, the absence of squirrels has to be the single most exotic thing that Paraguay has revealed thus far. 

After six weeks in country, I’m almost positive that it tops the list of things I cannot wrap my head around.  More so than the concept of adding charcoal straight into the pot of brewing mate.  More so than the train of thought which leads one to believe that a cold shower after a hot meal is perilous.  More so than the sight of a family of four (literally with infant in arms) rapidly cruising across jagged cobblestone on a tiny motorcycle.

Yes, more so than any of this, I cannot believe that I have gone a month and a half without seeing a single squirrel.  It’s completely unnerving.  What at first seems like such an insignificant contrast from everyday life back home slowly reveals itself to be troublingly obvious.  Constantly apparent.  Like a tiny, single acorn stockpiled in the nest of my subconscious, each squirrel-less moment is a subtle reminder that I’m out of my element, passing over foreign soil in a foreign land. 

Clearly, the larger, more noticeable differences can be just as unnerving and considerably more overwhelming– language barriers, cultural etiquette, technological disconnect.  But these discomforts are to be expected and are all things that I had both anticipated and braced myself for.  It’s the smaller changes, the ones that catch you by surprise while your attention is diverted towards the biggies, that will sometimes awaken you the most to the fact that you’re so far from any place you consider familiar.

I was mentally prepared to learn Guarani, drink terere and live without Internet.  These concepts are far from shocking.  But to know that this park or these woods are not home to a single squirrel?  That one’s gonna take some time.

Hypothetically Speaking


Before we go any further, let’s settle into this with a few hypotheticals.  If you ever happen to find yourself in Paraguay, frantically paddling to keep yourself culturally afloat, then maybe a few of these scenarios will be useful:

“Olympia or Cerro?”  I’ve only been in this country for 12 hours, I have absolutely no clue what you’re talking about.  Oh, you’re asking me which is my favorite soccer team?  Can I take some time to get back to you on this one?  Am I actually being judged for not having an answer right now?  For real?

“Would you like a little bit of tea or coffee to add to your hot sugar milk?”  Probably.

“I’m sorry, Sir, but there’s very little room on this bus at the moment.  Would you mind standing on the first step with your back hanging out of the open door while I speed down the highway?”  Well, kind of, but okay… is that really my only choice? 

“Hey, do you want to kick the ball around the yard for a bit?”  Sure, but only if we can set the goal eight feet in front of where Grandma is sitting and then share a hearty laugh with her when the ball inevitably soars inches past her head…

Enough with hypotheticals, let’s move on to some concrete stuff.  This has been an insanely busy month and the final few weeks of training promise more of the same.  What does this mean for me?  Six day work weeks, mentally draining language immersion, a hearty helping of “adult learning techniques” featuring a bizarre amount of drawing, daily sunburns, almost non-existent Internet and telephone access, and very little of anything resembling free time.

More importantly, however – what does this mean for you? Quite simply that my posts here will be sparse and scattered until I have an increase in free time towards the beginning of May.

I would like to quickly mention, though, that if anybody reading is interested in some old-fashioned penpaling, I am completely open to receiving letters and will undoubtedly make the time to write back.  Not sure what postage is like from the USA to Paraguay, but it’s always fun to get real, tangible, paper mail.  I’ll attach my address to the end of this post.  And, of course, I’ll definitely continue receiving and responding to all emails as well if that’s more your style.

There will be more interesting updates to follow in the coming weeks and months, but I would like to leave you with this quick story of disconnectedness:  There was an unknown period of time of at least two week before I found out that A.J. Burnett had been trade.  All I currently know about it is what I quickly read in a semi-unrelated AP article that made passing mention to the trade.  And it was so brief and tangential that I’m still unsure if this actually happened in real life or if it was just part of an incredibly happy dream I had.  But since distance dictates that most of the next two baseball seasons will be left up to my imagination anyway, I suppose the truth doesn’t even really matter.

This commentary cannot be reproduced or retransmitted without the express written consent of:

Christopher Suriano, PCV
Cuerpo de Paz
162 Chaco Boreal c/Mcal. Lopez
Asuncion 1580, Paraguay
South America

04 February 2012

Quick! Call now - time is running out!


It’s going to be summer next week.  Really excited for that.  Granted, I have been able to drive around the Northeast with the windows down for three of the past seven days.  So I guess that makes it a little less exciting.  Also slightly diminishing the fact is that, when translated literally, the GuaranĂ­ term for “summer” apparently comes out to “Louisiana in the dead of July without A/C but with the humidity plus five extra degrees at times for good measure.” Go ahead.  Look it up.  Prove me wrong.  I dare you.

Let’s get down to some nuts and bolts.  If my previous posts are any indication, you’ve probably realized that I’m not too keen on this sort of discussion.  Today, though, I’ll go ahead and humor you with a brief stroll through the hardware store.  I leave Albany on Tuesday afternoon and arrive in Miami later that evening for orientation.  On Wednesday, some other future expats and I will orientate and icebreak our way through the day before boarding a late night flight south.  Somewhere on Thursday’s schedule, and not to be overlooked, is an arrival in Paraguay.  I’ll go ahead and highlight that as *urgent* on my itinerary.  I’d hate to skip that one.

And then it all happens.

As for communication over the next several weeks, bear with me.  I will surely post updates on here and respond to all emails as time and Internet access permits.  A mailing address will be coming shortly, as well.  Stay tuned for that.  Beginning on Tuesday, my (518) cell phone number will no longer work.  Go ahead and call it if you’d like but know that I reserve the right to not call you back indefinitely and to look confused and hurt when you accuse me of not returning your calls.

Also, since I won’t be able to answer your future texts, please feel free to pick your favorite responses from the list below and use them as needed.  I think I’ve got most situations covered:
  • Definitely.
  • Leaving now… Be there in 10.
  • Ok sounds good.
  • Yeah, I saw that – it was awesome.
  • can t now im dr ivng
  • Burnett blew another 6-run lead?  For real?
  • [the second half of that Shins lyric you just awkwardly sent me]
  • Yes, Mom, I made it to _______ safely.  Sorry I didn't text you first thing when I got there.


I suppose this will be the last time I update this blog while I’m in NY.  I travelled throughout the area a lot over the past three weeks.  I’ve had an unreal amount of fun and said too many goodbyes.  Some of the toughest are yet to come.  I hesitate to use the word “emotional” because I really hate what its everyday connotation implies.  It conjures images of weakness and instability.  It evokes the scene where a giant, soaking Alice, cake in hand, helplessly cries herself a flood because she knows no other way of coping with a changing environment.  I’ve yet to shed a goodbye tear and, truthfully, I probably won’t.  That’s not typically my outward nature.  But I still can’t think of a better word to describe the recent days and weeks other than “emotional.”  That’s exactly what it’s been – a flurry of emotions and I’m thankful to have shared them with so many wonderful people.

Paraguay has some big shoes to fill.  This is a statement I’ve thrown around somewhat facetiously over the past few months.  Now, though, I say it genuinely and without pretense.  

Have a happy, healthy and unbelievably awesome 2012, America!

01 February 2012

Railroad Ties

There’s a pretty notable nature preserve located in and around my hometown in New York.  It’s hardly the most interesting place to explore, but it’s considered something of a local treasure among 7th grade science teachers and butterfly enthusiasts alike.  At the end of the day, though, wandering through the Pine Bush Preserve is simply a more desirable way to pass an afternoon than strolling through the mall.


Several weeks ago I was doing exactly this – following the yellow-marked trail a couple miles through soggy terrain when, around one bend, the trail happened upon a new, unmarked path to the left.   After walking a short distance in this direction I noticed a clearing a couple hundred feet through the woods.  Weaving through trees and brush I reached the open space and discovered a healthy stretch of railroad laying several miles in either direction.  Even though the tracks could hardly count as secluded - you could easily see an overpass with decent traffic flow a mile or two down the straightaway - I thought my little discovery was pretty cool.  But what I thought would be really cool, however, would be to watch a train ride by up close from where the woods met the clearing.

I crouched for 20 or 30 minutes but nothing came.  Turning back, I decided to return in a few days and stake out a spot where I could patiently wait for a train to chug by me in the woods.  In my mind, I figured this would be a neat - though admittedly romanticized - little event.  It was hard not to imagine the simple amusement of hearing a low whistle in the distance as it crescendos to a blaring locomotive exploding through the quiet woods.  Who wouldn’t be mesmerized by a powerful freight train speeding by just fast enough to make counting the sixty or seventy boxcars impossible?  Or by the rainbow blur of graffiti screeching alongside the rusty, battered cars? With no one around, wouldn’t it be cool to imagine that, if the train was going slow enough, you could hop on up and insert yourself into a sort of Mark Twain adventure?
           
I thought so, at least, and a week later I set out over scattered patches of snow to arrive at the same spot looking out on the tracks.  The scene was set – heightened by the sense that I was off the marked trail and possibly in violation of some vague trespassing ordinance - and I was ready to patiently wait all day for my train to pass if necessary.  Heck, the longer the wait the more rewarding the payoff, right?  Well, not even ten minutes passed before I heard a whistle and saw a white light off in the distance moving east-to-west.  Then, not 30 seconds later, the train was barreling by.  And then, just five seconds later, it was past me and gone.  So much for trying to count hundreds of cars or read the graffiti or imagine all the places it might be headed or what cargo it’s taking there.
           
For the record, I was able to do all that but the result was pretty underwhelming:  There was a whopping total of four cars, the graffiti was a neatly stenciled Amtrak logo, the cargo was probably a few dozen business suits passing through Albany and it was gone quicker than it got here.  Talk about a letdown.  I didn’t even get the chance to stake it out all afternoon!  Plus, I was reminded how much I hate that terrible whooshing feeling you get while waiting at the subway station as the train zooms in. And I’m damn sure that Huck Finn never hopped an Amtrak.  Where’s the poetry in all that?
           
And so, fast-forward a month and a half.  I guess my biggest concern as I get ready to embark on the next two years is what if it can’t live up to the scene I’ve set in my mind?  What if my imagination is so revved up that reality has no choice but to be underwhelming? If over the course of one week I can overhype an ordinary railroad track in the middle of nowhere then it’s scary what sorts of damage my mind can do leading up to a foreign experience complete with a new country, job, people, and opportunities.

I have made it a point to temper my expectations as best I can about where I will be going and what projects I will be working on and everyone that I will be meeting.  To be honest, that hasn’t been as horribly difficult as you might believe.  What I’ve been unable to do, however, is avoid imagining how incredible the experience as a whole might be.  It’s been close to six months since I’ve known that my destination is Paraguay and that boils down to a lot of time inside my own head.  I cannot wait for the moment next week when I get to erase my notion of what this experience ought to be like and replace it with what it actually is.